I am greatful for Sunny.

I went to college in the days of Laguna Beach and The Hills, becoming slightly obsessed with Lauren Conrad (or LC as she was referred to on her hit reality TV shows).  And like all things that I obsessed over as a young adult, they have been carried with me into womanhood.  I like to attribute this solely to the fact that I view my College years as my prime years: in shape, tan, and a lot of friends.  Not anything that I have time to deal with today- it’s more like keep the flab off, slightly bronze from my swimming work-outs and walks to the park, and friends who mostly consist of the people that I see in my cube 40 hours a week.

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With my LC love, I read her fashion articles, follow her on Instagram, and browse her line at Kohl’s every time I walk in the store.  I only own a few items, as her line is a tidbit pricey for my taste, and a way pricey for the deals that you can typically find at Kohl’s.  However, I still look, dream, and adore every clothing item that adorns the Lauren Conrad label.



Last week, while jean shopping for my husband and son, I crept over to the Lauren Conrad section while the boys were in the fitting room.  Perusing through, I saw that her Pencil jean was on sale, but much to my dismay, not in jean at all.  Instead a blushy pink, a grey, and an eco-friendly green.  I own a few colored jeans now, but I rarely wear them as I have a complex with them.  Why?  Because I wore colored jeans in the 80’s and early 90’s and I don’t want to go near those fashion mistakes again.

Yet, with the affordable price tag and Lauren Conrad label, I took them each to the dressing room.  And to my surprise, I adorned the green!  I liked the fit, the size, and most of all the color.  So, I took them with me. 

Here’s something to learn about me: I don’t impulse shop for clothes.  No, I view purchasing an item of clothing like making a serious commitment.  I take that item around the store with me just to look at it, get a good feel for it, and see if it and I are going to make a good pair.  Weird, I know.  But doing this saves a ton of time in the return line.

So, I bought them.  In hand with my $10 towards any item and the 20% off coupon on my phone, I went green for only $18.  Happy girl.

(Check out The Coupons App if you have an iPhone- it’s my BFF for clothes shopping!)

I paired my green jeans with a lacey top adorned with a gold sash.  It was my Christmas shirt, which I feel looks too fancy with jeans and dress pants, but worked perfectly with my new green denim.

What are your thoughts?  Do you love the colored jean trend?  Do you wear yours with a solid or colored top?

While I am complacent with the normalcy that I have in my life, which consists of a 40 hour work week, a husband, two children, a four day a week gym routine, a mortgage, and Saturday morning grocery shopping, I admit that it all can get a bit…well, taxing.  It gets stressful, tiring, and just plain boring.  And as I don’t want anything to change (routine makes me happy 95% of the time, which I refer to as an “AK” attribute – After Kids).  The other 5% of me yearns for excitement, fun, and difference in my life.  But reality kicks in and I am asleep drooling on the couch by 9pm.  Great fun.

This afternoon, I kicked my routine, and instead of going to the gym (yes, I skipped a workout), I went to the movies with a friend. I drank a sugary soda while gorging on popcorn (also referred to as crack.  Please tell me why movie popcorn is so dang delicious).  I laughed while watching a chick flick with a great chick and we cracked jokes in the empty theatre like we were 13 year olds watching NSYNC Live from Madison Square Garden.  (I make that analogy because that really happened- only we were 18.  Which is only the slightest bit of embarrassing). 

And would you like to know what happened?  I didn’t regret my thirty-five handfuls of popcorn, or the wasted $4.75 that I spent on the soda.  No, I drove home with my windows rolled down, blasting music out of my car stereo so loud that I could barely hear the honk of my own horn.  Something that I can never do on my commute home because I am too busy unwinding while thinking about what I did or did not do at work, stressing about my Online Bill pay, cautiously critiquing each bill wondering if it was paid in a timely fashion (I may or may not suffer from OCD).  I felt happy, free, and completely inspired.

Yes, my life is so boring that a 4pm matinee leaves me inspired. 

But you know what, that’s okay because I allowed a bit of time for myself, with an old friend, and without a care.  I was happy, I am happy, and it will and motivate me to get back into my daily grind tomorrow—which includes a workout and allots for no buttery popcorn. 

Moral of my matinee Tuesday- do something for you because being healthy also includes being happy.

For now, it is my bedtime.  That movie left me exhausted! 

You know, that person is really nice, but she is sooo ugly!

Why did this comment rattle the cage?

Well, it's obviously an extremely mean thing to say about anyone, but even moreso, the person who made this comment didn't even know the person they just called ugly.  In fact, they'd only met once or twice before.

How is it possible to judge someone with such extremity without really knowing them?  It's something that I've never understood, but also something that I can't say I'm entirely innocent of.  As humans we instinctively make judgments as we assess our surroundings.

Hmmm...a punk-rocker...

My first judgement of the soon-to-be love of my life, my husband Mark, as he sat in the back corner of the room playing his guitar, sporting a little chin beard, and wearing skater clothes with a backwards cap.  It was the very first time we officially met, and it was the briefest introduction known to mankind.

Jason (Mark's roommate), as we enter their house:  "That's my roommate, Mark."

Mark, taking a brief pause from his jam session to look up and give a small nod/wave: "Hey."

Kelli, making her assessment and returning the small nod/wave: "Hey."

That was it.  That was the first time I met my future husband.  No bells and whistles, no fireworks, no love-at-first-sight miracle...

We were both 19 years old, and my first judgement was enough to tell me that he wasn't really the "type" of person to be in my social crowd.  I was there to hang out with one of his roommates, and he was just a bystander.

Man, she's weird...

My husbands first impression of me the more my best friend and I would visit his house to hang out with his roommate.  

How we finally broke the ice to overcome these judgements is beyond me, and it still fascinates me that two people who's first impressions of one another were less than spectacular, could be together through thick-and-thin nearly ten years later.

How did it happen?  Well, we actually got to know one another...and when we did, Mark suddenly became much more than just the punk-rocker in the back of the room, and I turned out to be the coolest weirdo he'd ever known (my words, not his, ha!).

We became best friends...then we fell in love...then we broke each other's hearts...then we mended them...then we withstood the test of time.

It just goes to show what can happen when you actually get to know someone for who they truly are.

If the person who made this judgement actually knew the person they were criticizing, they would learn that self-image is something that she already struggles with.  They would learn that deep inside she wonders if she's beautiful, and she's afraid of what people might think of her.

They would also learn that this person is beyond nice, she is a true giver.  She cares about people, and like anyone else, she just wants to be accepted for who she is.

I wish that this person felt beautiful, confident and secure, but I know her well enough to know how much she questions about herself.  Could it be that a world full of judgement is to blame for all of our self-doubt?

Going through this journey and writing about the insecurities I have for my own self-image has made me more sensitive to the struggles people face.  It makes me wonder how I would react if the comment would have been this...

You know, she is really nice, but she is sooo fat!

And what if it would have been about me--playing into every fear and insecurity that I have about myself?  How would it have made me feel?  Would it have destroyed what little self-confidence I have in the way that I look?

I wish that we could all put ourselves into the shoes of others before we made rash judgements and insensitive comments about people.  I wish that we could just stop judging people and actually take the time to get to know people instead.  I wish that our instincts were to build people up, rather than tear people down.

Perhaps someday we can change...but for today, I hope everyone who reads this post will pledge to simply try.  Try to lift people up, rather knock them down.  Try to identify the things you like about someone before picking out their faults.  Just try. 

Maybe it was just me...

So if I'm not posting about the movie, then I guess the only other logical assumption is that this post has to do with my weight.

I've hesitated to post any numbers here on the blog because I never wanted my motivation for this lifestyle change to be focused just on losing weight.  I wanted it to be more about treating myself well, body, mind, and soul.

Numbers tend to consume my mind.  

Whenever I weigh in, I'm usually disappointed.  It usually bums me out for the next several days because it makes me realize how far out of control I've let this thing get.  But today, I used my courage to finally face the scale once again.

This time, I wasn't disappointed.

In fact, this time I was exstatic because the numbers staring back at me were 7 lbs less than they were the last time I weighed in!

Now, I know that body weight can fluctuate by 3-5 lbs each and every day, so I'm not going to view this number as if it were engraved in gold.  Instead, I'm going to just enjoy the fact that when I weighed in this morning I was 7 lbs lighter than I was before.

It happened.

I did it.

I'm not going to discredit it by telling myself that it was no big deal.  It was a big deal (at least to me) because it reassured me that the steps I've been taking are leading me in the right direction.  

I haven't taken on some crazy exercise schedule.  I haven't given up all of my bad habits...but what I have done is thought about my health each and every day.  I've thought about why I do the things that I do, and I've learned things about my habits.

Through filling my mind with thoughts of where I want to be, I've noticed myself making better choices on a regular basis.  Most of them are small choices, but I think they're finally starting to add up!

I'm sorry to go on like this, but mentally I'm training myself to reward even my smallest of accomplishments here.  To me, this attitude has been what makes this time feel different from all of the rest.  I actually feel like I could be successful because I'm rewarding the good, rather than punishing the bad.

Is anyone else out there working toward a healthier lifestyle?  What steps have you been taking, and how have they turned out?  What obstacles have you been encountering?  Leave me a comment to let me know how it's going.

Thanks for stopping by!

xo, Kelli

Though I haven't made too many physical changes, I feel that my mental preparation for this lifestyle change has made huge progress from where I was before.  Not only am I constantly thinking about the actions I'm taking (both large and small), I'm also realizing things that I'd never realized before.

My guess is that these light bulb moments are coming to me now because I'm actually thinking about this stuff...go figure.

Here's what dawned on me the other day...

Hunger is like a cold sore.  It's like a cold, a cavity, or even a wart (ewe, gross).  It needs to be treated with the very first signs, otherwise it flares out of control.

Whenever I feel that very first tingling in the back of my throat, I've learned enough to know that means a cold isn't far behind.  It's right then-and-there that I start pumping vitimin C into my body like there's no tomorrow, in hopes of thwarting a full-blown cold.

Whenever I feel that very first twinge at the base of a tooth, I've learned that a tiny cavity is making itself knowns.  It's right then-and-there that I see the dentist, so that the drilling is kept to a minimum.

I've learned all of these things about the first signs...so why have I never put two-and-two together about the first signs of hunger?

Now I am trying to listen to my body, and when I get that first tiny flash of hunger I know it's time to eat.  It's not time to pig out...it's just time to have a small snack, a few bites of something that will keep my hunger monster from ever raging loose.

Holy smokes!  I think I'm on to something!  But what do you think?

I'm greatful to my friend Jana.

This is my story, and mine alone.  This is where I chronicle my thoughts and emotions, as well as the experiences that make me who I am.

Life experiences are different for everyone and I will never discredit any experience that anyone has had, even if it has led them to a different viewpoint on a subject then I might have.  I believe that everyone has the right to live and grow in whichever ways make them happy.

I write this post today because my thoughts have been filled with the subject of independence, and all that it entails.

Free thought. Free action. Free conscience. 

I grew up, like most, surrounded by influence.  There was always a crowd that I wanted to please with my actions, thoughts, and opinions.  Whether it was the popular group at school, the adults in my community, or my religous sect, my actions were not my own...not fully anyway.

It was easier for me to go along with the crowd than to stir the pot.  I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone...and seemingly everything about them. I stayed in line.  I made it through, and I was happy doing it because that's what I knew.

Don't get me wrong, I love the people of that town and have many great friends there.  My roots are there, and always will be.  But...it was easy for me to feel big in a small town.  It was easy to believe that because I shared the viewpoints of the majority that those viewpoints were correct.

Everything changed when I moved to the city.

Suddenly, I became a little fish in a very large pond.  When I went to work there were people of all varieties who worked along side me.  When I went to school I was introduced to viewpoints that seemed completely foreign to me.

It was difficult to adjust to at first, but over time I felt my views and beliefs shifting.  As I continued to meet more people with different backgrounds, faiths, and upbringings I started to feel like I had a very narrow view of what the world was.

I relate the experience to sampling every flavor of Baskin Robbins ice cream when you've only had rocky-road in the past.  I loved rocky road, but I soon learned that what I loved more than rocky road was ice cream itself!  Every flavor.  Every spoonful.  Every bowl of delight.

Perhaps that's a strange analogy, but the "ice cream" in my life was diversity.

I love the city because it completely changed my view of the world.  As I look back over the past ten years of my life I see so much growth in who I am as a person.  I know exactly what I believe, and why I believe it, and I came to these beliefs on my own terms.

I can finally say that my beliefs are a reflection of who I am, not who I think others want me to be.  I believe what I do because of my heart.  There is no group, no single person, nor specific idology telling me what position to take, and I feel like I'm getting to know my true self.

I believe that there is more to this life than meets the eye, and I am hopeful that one day I will fully understand what that is.  Whether we're here because of universal chance, or a supreme being, it doesn't really matter to me anymore.  What matters to me is thinking of all of the galaxies in the universe and feeling like a small part of something larger than comprehension.  Small enough to hope in all of the possibilities that brings with it.

I know right from wrong.  Not because of what a book says, or what a law says, but because of what my heart says.

Wrong is to hurt people.  Right is to make people feel special about who they are, to provide reassurance that they matter in this chaotic world we live in, and to respect even those who are different from what we've deemed as "normal."  

Everything roots back to that, at least in my mind.

Honestly, I can tell you that my experiences have led me to a place of independence.  I think what I think because of everything that makes me, me--and I find so much comfort in that.  I don't see how I could ever go back, especially after having experienced what I have over the last several years.

Every person who has come into my life has played their part, and I am a better person because I've known them.  Thank you to everyone who has touched my heart, mind, and view of the world!  I would not be who I am today if you hadn't shared your view of life's meanings with me.

Shopping for a new wardrobe after a successful spree in healthy initiatives can inspire you to keep going.  It can help you to see the results of your labor, especially when you can finally fit into those jeans you’ve been eying for months.

Unfortunately, my shopping experience motivated me in a very different way.

As I browsed through racks-and-racks of clothing it was almost painful to see what limited selection I had.  What was even more frustrating was seeing (what seemed to be) the endless selection of very cute clothing available in the sizes that I used to wear.  Let's just say, it was a very long walk over to the plus-sized section. 

Ugh!  More baggy shirts and stretchy paints…check, and check.

Regardless of how this experience motivated me, it motivated me still the same—and if there’s one thing I’ve already learned from this experience it’s how valuable it is to ride any waive of motivation that comes my way.

After going clothes shopping my next stop was the grocery store where I tried a new method of grocery shopping some co-workers had told me about.  It’s called shopping the perimeter, which basically means you avoid the central isles as much as possible (because that’s where all of the pre-packaged foods are).  The idea is that shopping the perimeter of the store should leave your cart filled with fruits and vegetables, breads, dairy, and meats.  Items that oddly enough resemble what you see in a little thing we call the Food Pyramid.  Crazy, right?  Who’da thunk?

It’s probably not a new concept to many of you, but for me this was a first.

By the end of my shopping spree I had peaches, two different types of grapes, bananas, two different types of salad-greens mixes, wheat bread, milk, a few snack options from the organic section (yeah, for real, I went in the organic section!), some sliced chicken sandwich meat, black beans, and two gallons of drinking water.  I spent more than I probably should have, but I just really wanted to stock my fridge with good, healthy options for once.

As a result of all of this, a few cool things happened…

First, on Sunday night I prepared my meals for Monday, and got everything ready for easy preparation the rest of the week.  This is unheard of for me!  Typically, workdays consist of skipping breakfast, going to a café for lunch, and then getting home at 6 pm as a starving, ravenous beast looking for its next kill (aka, whatever’s in the fridge).  But this week has been different.  This week, I’ve brought my lunch each day, as well as breakfast and some healthy snacks to tide over my hunger throughout the day.

The second thing that happened was that I suddenly did not feel as tempted by fast-food options.  I noticed this first thing on Monday when the thought of swinging through Wendy’s for a breakfast combo crossed through my mind.  Instead of giving in to the convenience that this thought presented, my mind actually talked myself out of the decision by saying, you made all of that food last night and you’re going to eat it!  

I even noticed this happening again on my way home that night.  Because I had specifically eaten a granola bar right before I jumped in the car, I didn’t even look at any of the food options I passed en-route, and I wasn’t a starving beast by the time I got home.  It was crazy!

I ate a salad for dinner, and it wasn’t until about 8:30 that I started to get hungry again…and that’s when the third thing happened.

Since my first Hello/Goodbye challenge (first and only, haha) I’ve been trying not to eat anything after 8 pm.  It’s not something I’ve been perfect at, but overall I’ve done pretty good with it.  Monday was one of those nights that I broke the rules and gave in to a snack after 8 pm…but, the thing I noticed was that I didn’t really have anything on hand to snack on other than the items I had bought on my perimeter shop.  This left me with a skim selection of snack options, all of which were pretty healthy.

I wound up chomping down on a bowl of grapes.  Not a perfect solution, but better than ice-cream, so I’ll take it.

These behaviors baffled me (that tells you exactly how rare it is that I make good choices rather than bad), which got me wondering what it was that led to such an instant, and noticeable change.

What came to my mind was that I had invested in the actions that I took throughout the day long before I ever encountered them.  I invested my time into going grocery shopping to stock up on healthier options, which helped me when I was hungry at night and left only with fruit.  I invested more time into prepping my meals for the day, which actually made me want to pass up convenient fast-food for the meals I had prepared.

As I post this, I can honestly look back at my progress this week with some pride--and it's a really good feeling!  It's already Thursday, and I haven't been to a single drive-through this week! 

It just goes to show that investing in yourself can have a really positive impact on the way you approach your goals. 

Perhaps now I need to invest in a good pair of gym shoes to get me fired up about exercise.  Hmmm....what do you think?

I’ve made some progress, but I think my 2 rating is a pretty good indicator of how much further I have to go. 

So far, I’ve made baby-steps in my quest for self-discovery, as well as some progress in overcoming my insecurities to accept who I am right in this moment.  You might not know this, but posting the how-to tutorial for the DIY placemats was something I was VERY uncomfortable with.  I cringe each time I hear my cheesiness on video (see any Tour My House video for an example), let alone see myself (and all of my quirks) on camera!  But, it’s been my goal to not let these insecurities hold me back anymore, and I’m slowly working toward a more confident image of myself.

That video alone is what earned me the 2 points in my mind!  Ha!

Essentially, I feel like the tortoise in the race.  It’s taking me a while to accept the fact that I need to break my old habits.  Some days I’m fired up, and others I push the importance of a healthy lifestyle all the way to the back of my mind so that I can enjoy just one more cupcake.  But anyone who’s read The Tortoise and the Hair knows that in the end, the tortoise winds up victorious, because, “slow and steady wins the race.”

Perhaps parents read this story to their children because they know that instant gratification is a rare commodity in this world.  Wishes don’t come true—people turn wishes into realities—and often, it’s a long, difficult, and challenging task to do so.

Wishing that I were healthier won’t get me any closer to where I want to be.  Dedication to my Project Self initiative, on the other hand, will take me there, inch by inch, until I one day look in the mirror and see the woman I am meant to be. 

Some progress is better than no progress, right?  I have to focus on my victories, regardless of how small they might be.  

So here I am, essentially starting from scratch once again...but I'm not filled with remorse.  Instead, I'm filled with reassurance that even the fact that I am regularly thinking about my health is a step in the right direction.  

The more I think about it, the more I want to be better at it.

How many times have you tried to make big changes to become healthier?  Were you trying to lose weight?  Or maybe reduce stress in your life?  How did you get back into the swing of things and overcome negative thoughts?  I'd love to hear your stories!

xo, Kelli